At Rydal Water, by the shore
I met a man from Ilkley Moor
He said, “It looks like rain today
“You’d better go inside and stay”
“Don’t worry,” I replied, “I’m fine
“Look at this lovely coat of mine
“And this, my splendid sporting brolly
“I’m sure my day will be just jolly”
But starting with some gentle showers
The rain poured down for hours and hours
With Rydal now above my knee
I clambered up the nearest tree
But soon the water lapped at branches
And so I had to take my chances
Swinging by my lovely coat
I jumped into a passing boat
“You were lucky,” someone said
“Without my foresight, you’d be dead”
As I looked up, it made me shudder
Ilkley man was at the rudder!
But that was not the story’s end
For me and my new Ilkley friend
Fate had something else in store
Before we made it back to shore
From deep below the water stirred
Then gushing off the stern was heard
Of all the things we might have feared
The Rydal Monster’s head appeared
It stretched its winding neck our way
All seven feet of slimy grey
And with its mouth now open wide
His tongue invited me inside
“Oh no!” said Ilkley man in fright
“Looks like we’re someone’s tasty bite”
But thrusting out my big umbrella
I soon repelled the mighty fella
It’s many years now since that day
And ever since I’ve stayed away
If you don’t fancy slimy slaughter
Stay well clear of Rydal Water
